Unbelievable, I told Willy the story and he still got it wrong. He didn’t even mention the shoe lady! Now it’s up to me, “Romeo” to tell you the true story. At least Willy had the courtesy to use “Romeo” and “Juliet” so as not to disclose our true identities.
The only part of the play that Willy got right was the prologue! Everything else was completely blown out of proportion. I will admit that our two families fought a lot, but that was because all of us were factions of rival gangs. See, my last name isn’t Montague, that’s just the gang I’m in.
Prices start at $12
Prices start at $11
Prices start at $12
I wasn’t feeling very well the day this all started because my girlfriend had just dumped me. I was spending too much time with “Benvolio” and the rest of the gang and she never saw me. I knew she was right, but what could I do?
My “brothers” tried to cheer me up by suggesting we crash the rave the Capulet’s were having. Good, I needed to beat up someone anyway. This stupid rival gang thing had completely ruined my life!
Angry as I was, I entered the hangar where the rave was being held and stopped short. Not more than five feet in front of me was the most beautiful and sensuous girl I had ever seen. Another thing Willy got wrong, she was seventeen, not fourteen and ripe for the picking. Big on drama and morals, I guess, Willy decided to change the age! This fair woman was dancing with the senator’s son “Paris.” I could still see, however, that she was not impressed. When the song was over I grabbed her and started to dance. It was a slow song (what timing) and she didn’t stop me.
Now, because “Juliet’s” cousin “Tybalt” was a little high on something (probably X), he decided to try to ruin the rave! He grabbed one of the bottles off the table and headed straight towards me. Good old “Tybalt,” he can spot me out of any crowd! Lucky for me though, one of the guards stopped him and told him to cool down outside.
“Does your watch have a second hand because I want you to tell me how long it took for me to fall in love with you?” Hey, I know it’s cheesy but I had to use the line.
J “I have to go…call me” She then proceeded to write her name and number on my hand. I couldn’t stand it; I had to see her immediately. I left with the rest of the Montague’s then ran to her place.
“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Fair Juliet, I love you.” I continued to go on with my speech and then a shoe came flying out the window! “Hey, what’s the bright idea?”
“Will you get the bloody hell out of my yard?” said the lady who threw the shoe. “You definitely have the wrong house, Juliet’s on the next block buddy!”
I quickly and quietly ran away with embarrassment. I decided to call her instead. Here’s the story: the balcony scene never happened. Romantic as he is, Willy decided to fabricate that scene. I love being known as the romantic “Romeo,” he made it up brilliantly!
That night I met Juliet and we drove to Vegas where we could be married quickly and quietly. Because of my few connections in Vegas, everything was ready when we got there. My good buddy “Friar Lawrence” read us our vows and we were out within the half-hour!
As Newton said, “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” When I arrived back in town my cousin-in-law “Tybalt” decided to start a fight! Bloody “Mercutio,” he’s always up to something! So he decided to fight “Tybalt,” brass knuckles and all! He should have been more careful, now he’s dead! I didn’t want to kill “Tybalt,” but he killed my brother and he deserved what came to him. After that, I left as quickly as I could. Now a murderer, it definitely wasn’t safe to hang around!
I went back to Vegas and stayed with the Friar. Later that night “Juliet’s” nurse “Alice” called me and told me to come back and spend the night with Juliet because she was distraught over losing both “Tybalt” and me. I’d tell you what we did, but then I’d have to kill you! J Suffice it to say we were up most of the night. “Juliet” didn’t want me to leave insisting it was still night. I left and bid her adieu.
See, good old Willy decided to add some more plot twists and turns. He claims that I never knew about “Juliet”…but wait. One of the young men (Balthazar) came from the town to Vegas. He informed me that my fair lady “Juliet” was dead. Knowing this I hurried to her crypt..
Here’s the difference…
“Juliet” and I were aware of what was going on. When I got to the crypt I grabbed “Juliet” and we left. Just like that, no tragic scene at the end. Willy loves his tragedy so he decided to spice it up with a double suicide.
No, I am not dead, “Juliet” isn’t dead and we are living quite comfortably in…Barbados!
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