I still remember the day when I found out that I was pregnant. It was June 27, 2008, and I took the home test and found out I was expecting. First, I was screaming because I was really scared when I saw the result and after I laughed because I was so happy. It was early in the morning. I ran into our bedroom and told my husband. We were both almost afraid to get excited, so he went to get another test. Positive again! We tried three times. It was the most exciting day of my life. Probably, it was in his life too. We feel so blessed for this miracle. I am so excited about becoming a mother and also frightened at the same time.
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I came to realize, that actually all women, even those who had never been pregnant, were interested in what being pregnant was like. I think this must have something to do with our maternal instincts. Out of my group of friends and my family, only one was already a mother, so the fact that I was the only ‘real life’ pregnant person they knew, only fuelled their interest further.
I remember at the time, being pregnant was more of an emotional challenge than a physical one. My mood changed five times a day. I couldn’t imagine how my poor husband suffered me. I was terrified of actually giving birth and of course, I knew absolutely nothing about being a mother. On the other hand, I think that expecting the baby brought us closer together. In a way we were both nervous about being parents for the first time, so we were helping each other through it.
Definitely, the hardest part about being pregnant was the morning sickness. Fortunately, not everyone suffers from morning sickness, and I certainly would not wish it upon anyone. Nausea and vomiting can be one of the first signs of pregnancy and usually begins around the 6th week of pregnancy. It can occur at any time of the day, and for me, it stopped around the 12th week of pregnancy. For the first few weeks, mornings were a complete write-off until I felt better.
Also, I remember that I was always hungry. I ate six times a day and couldn’t stop. That is why I gained weight. I was depressed because all my clothes became too small for me. I couldn’t even look at or smell coffee. It caused vomiting for me because hormonal changes can affect my sense of taste. I had experience cravings during my pregnancy. I have been gripped by the overwhelming desire to eat pickles at three in the morning. My lovely husband told me that I couldn’t give up because I’m one of the most beautiful women in the world. Then I calmed down I began to eat less and watched what kind of food I ate.
Everything eventually settled down as I entered the second trimester. I survived the first few months. There are a lot of joys in the second trimester. I could feel and see things that I had never seen before. For example, the first time I heard the heartbeat, and I understood that I was not alone – my baby was inside me. The first ultrasound was one of the moments of pregnancy when I could not only hear but see the baby. I cried when I saw him for the first time. When I got home I looked over the pictures of our baby for a long time. Undoubtedly one of the most magical moments of pregnancy was when I felt my baby moved for the first time. It was a funny feeling when my baby moved inside me.
When my baby started to kick me or turned over in my belly for me this symbolized the point when my pregnancy finally became ‘real’. Somewhere approximately since this moment, I began to understand that soon I will become a parent. However, as with anything pregnancy-related this exciting development brought me questions about what I should be feeling and whether what I experiencing was normal. I was enjoying the second trimester. This was a period of pregnancy when everyone else began to share in my joy. I was able to tell more people and I started to show. Being pregnant felt real for the first time. I used to spend hours thinking about what he was going to look like. I imagined him with dark eyes and dark hair like my husband. I will be astonished if he has red hair and my green eyes.
There is one month more left before our boy’s birth. The most disturbing period begins. For each woman, the knowledge of the role of mother is an integral part of all life. Parent instincts are shown already when I carried the baby. Depending on character, behaviour, a way of life and many other factors for each woman the parent’s feeling arises differently and at various times. Some women become quieter, somewhat even indifferent to all surrounding world.
They are completely absorbed by thoughts on the forthcoming main event. Other women, on the contrary, actively are interested in all events around, without missing the new information. As for me, I am really worried about being a good mother. Can I afford all difficulties which are waiting for me? Everything seems hard for me and my mind because I have never experienced this before. I start to have doubts. Sometimes I wonder why I even started it.
Obviously having your first baby and being pregnant means that your life is subject to some pretty dramatic changes. Certainly, it is impossible to forget about the pain that women feel during the birth of the child. I am afraid of physical pain. Thoughts, fears, expectations overflow me. This pleasant expectation mixes up with fear. There is only one thought: when will the end come. I think together we’ll survive. I have strong faith that all of this discomfort will be suddenly forgotten as I look over at my gift. Therefore it is not necessary to be afraid of childbirth. The main thing is to remain in a situation where I operate fear, and not to allow that fear to operate me.
Finding out that I was pregnant was overwhelming, even though it was something I’ve wanted for a long time. My initial reaction was not what I or my husband expected. My mother always told me: “Don’t be surprised if you feel scared or nervous as well as happy, having a baby is a life-changing event and it can take a while to get used to the idea that you’re going to be a parent”.
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