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Inanimate Object – Toilet Essay Example

What hours do you work? Maybe…9-5? How about you tried 12-12; is that fair?

Obviously not. I mean, if you were to get offered those hours for a normal job, 7 days a week, you would laugh in their face. I thought I have no choice.

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What is that light; turn it off! Don’t I even get a snooze? Well, I suppose I am used to it, nevertheless, I wish he wouldn’t rush in and perch on me like I’m nothing. It’s only 6 o‘clock, the time I expect to be woken up by Robert stopping off for his customary morning pit stop before he embarks on his arduous day at work. I know his secret for losing weight; curries. Or at least they’re the vibes I’m getting from the horrible mess he discharges into me every morning.

Wow, he exceeded his own standards this morning; I’m going to choke in a minute. Understand my pain Robert, flush the chain before the next influx arrives, and the air fresheners right next to you give it a spray, come on Robert! It’s like someone is shooting constant machine gun bullets into my basin. Hoping I was though, that it would come to an abrupt end, yet it didn’t, until a final ‘Plop’. Thankfully he was done.

How rude? As always, he left me without cleaning me. Yes, I understand you’re in a rush, but would you hurry off without cleaning yourself? Show me some respect, what have I ever done to you? Stuck with you through thick and thin that’s what I’ve done, a hugely faithful being. I should be treated with the same manners as anyone else in this family; I’ve been here long enough.

Does it look like I’ve shrunk? Well, it feels like I have. Fine, I was, when I arrived here, much shorter now though. Although I do have my reasons; who wouldn’t shrink if they had a size 38, Robert, sitting on their head for 10 minutes, 3 times a day. His sneaky looks in the Jacamo catalogue haven’t eluded me.

There is a surprisingly good side to my job though, as the majority of the time I just get to chill out and relax, there’s just the occasional necessity of being ready when I have to be called upon. I suppose you could say I’m an emergency service, thus if I had to compare my job to any other, it would certainly be a Fire-fighter, as they’ve got to be ready the call of action whenever that may be, which is the same as me, albeit I’m undoubtedly not as important.

Anyway, I’m definitely more awake when 7 30 arrives, and I’m undeniably not going to complain about Susan sitting on me, a pretty girl she is; it leaves me perplexed how Robert managed to bag himself a damsel as appealing as her. It’s funny though, she always talks to herself when she’s on top of me, discusses what she wants for dinner, how fast her kids have grown up, it’s fair to say I find out a lot of gossip in toilet time.

I do like it when Susan comes back from her weekly shop, and the tension builds up inside of me when I wait to see what cleaner she’s going to deposit inside of me, usually whatever ones on sale. My favourite one has to be the one with a supposed ‘Duck’ as the shape of it, although It looks nothing like one. I love to smell fresh, there’s no better feeling than when I get that cleaner squirted around my basin; despite the fact that it’s fairly short-lived due to the fact that it disappears as soon as someone flushes the chain!

I overflowed for the 3rd time this month today, Robert wasn’t very pleased. Effing and blinding he was, whilst choking me by shoving that monster of a toilet brush down my throat, it’s not my thought that Jane ( the 15-year-old daughter ) dropped her phone into me, blocked the pipes it did. I wish I could tell him; he thinks it’s my fault!

Susan tried to clean me today, I was wondering why all the dirt wasn’t coming off though. Apparently, I’m ‘rusty’.

My chain isn’t working; more repair work that Robert can’t afford to deal with at the moment apparently. According to him, there’s too much wrong with me now, I’m getting too old. What’s a skip? Robert said that’s where I’m going, I don’t want to go, I want to stay.

My rein is over now, their getting a new ‘me’ in, which is supposed ‘more efficient than I am. I doubt it is though; I’ve served this family almightily well for the last 16 years. I hope they can remember all the moments that we shared together, the good ones, and the bad.

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Inanimate Object - Toilet Essay Example. (2021, Apr 11). Retrieved May 11, 2021, from