Creative Writing Short Story: That Guy And His Chickens
A long long time ago, about when the dinosaurs were alive, there was a big fat ugly round red bird that flew furiously into a wall, and turned into a bigger dumber super retard. The super dumb retarded bird plummeted from the sky as boulders sink in the big blue beautiful sea. It rolled furiously down a rocky bumpy rough jagged mountain and fell shamelessly into a big pitch-black hole in the dusty floor. It lay there lifeless, motionless. A big, angry, annoying, desperate t-rex came waddling along and found the sorry sad dumb bird laying there, all alone in a big pitch-black hole in the dirty floor.
The big, bad, angry, desperate t-rex decided to take advantage of this time and boldly raped it. When the fat dumb retarded round red bird awoke from its long slumber, it forgot it could fly, and climbed into a tree and layed some eggs. Then it fell from the big long endless tall tree. The gods in the heavens on their big heavenly, luscious, firm, round, beautiful, duel, milk like clouds, saw this, and started to laugh so hard until one of them fell off. When the god’s face hit the earth, the impact was so hard that it killed all the dinosaurs on earth.
Prices start at $12
Prices start at $11
Prices start at $12
Millions of years later, there was a bum in the streets of chopstick town, which is right beside fork town. This bum was very young he was abandoned at the age of five. He is now 15. His dream was to get filthy, stinking, rich so he could laugh and mock at all the people who left him to die. This young boy was all bones, and had long brown hair. He had heard of a gold rush in a near by area, and took advantage of this and stole a shovel, so he could dig up some gold. So here’s where his life really begins…
The boy had a name once, but he couldn’t remember it. Well anyways, once he stole him self a good shovel, he set off to dig his hole that was to bring him great riches. He arrived at an empty wasteland, it was like a desert. All you could see was flat land for miles. But he was determined to get rich, so he put his shovel into the floor, and started digging. He dug day and night in the scorching heat. He was very determined; he wasted 10 years of his life digging that hole. It was really big hole. A REALLY, REALLY big hole! He surprised himself how big it was. He decided to name it the Grand Cannon. All that digging did pay off. HE found 2 eggs there in a crusty only burnt down tree in this hole in the floor. He decided to eat them but he didn’t have anything to cook it with. So he decided to sit on them still they were warm enough. After a while he found something poking at his ass, to his surprise he created not food but life. It was a chicken and a rooster that came out. This was a new animal; he thought is he offered this to the gods, this new species they would reward him with riches! So he set off to find the gods. He put the chicken and rooster in a bag for easy carrying. He needed to bring the new animals to a forgotten town in the middle of nowhere, and beg for the gods to come down and talk with them.
He journeyed for many days, walking on the dust road, carrying the chicken and rooster in his bag. It seemed to get heavier every hour, but it might be him just getting tired. There was a constant bumping in the bag, so he kicked it till it stopped. He visited many towns, and it soon led him to a river called Styx. They need to cross the river to go to Egypt. He boarded a HUGE GIANT, ENOURMAS ship, nicknamed “The unsinkable ship”, the titanic. When he opens his bag to let his chickens roam around. There were more than 2 that came out. The was more then 3, heck there were more than enough to fill the boat, but they were stuck in the under part of the ship. Where the engine room was and stuff. He bribed the captain of the ship to let him on. He gave him 5 chickens, as an offer.
Only a few days had passed and the number of chickens on board increased dramatically! They multiplied extremely fast. In the middle of the night, the bum heard a tapping noise out in the hall. He thought it was more code, and someone was trying to communicate with him. SO he knocked back. After a while, he got bored and decided to go talk to the person. When he went out, he saw hundreds of chickens pecking on the side of the boat, and soon it opened up a big gash on the side. The raging water flooded the area in seconds. Many of the chickens walked out the side and piled up outside of the boat. There was a big mountain of chickens. It looked like a big iceberg. And that’s what they blamed it on. Scraping on the side of an iceberg, when it was actually a pile of chickens…
So many people and other things died there, it was one big graveyard. So the gods in the sky said that was a perfect place, to put the underworld. There were enough souls there anyways. So then it was agreed, Hayds would rule the underworld there. The bum and the surviving chickens rowed a boat to Egypt, and when they reached it he was 30. When he arrived at Egypt, he saw that he had many chickens. He thought he couldn’t go on anymore, he thought this was the end. He thought he could die at any time anywhere. So he turned all the chickens into slaves and ordered them to build pyramids all over the place, so wherever he died there would be a close place for him to rest in peace. He burned numbers on to the chickens to keep track of them. Chickens were to build pyramids, while others were at plantations gathering food.
It was like a death camp. Millions of chickens worked till they fried on the hot desert plains of Egypt. The bum couldn’t afford to build graves for the chickens, so he ate them. They tasted rather good. It was like the holocaust for chickens, many died, working for life, forever with a number burnt to their chest, and when they fried they would be eaten. The gods saw this, and decided to come down and visit the bum and have a little chat with him. One of the gods came down and approached his throne. Walked up the endless hallways and passed the mountains of chicken bones. When he came face to face with the bum, he started to speak.
“Look at what you have done here! It’s practically a second underworld! And Haydys has the only rights here, to own an underworld! 1 underworld per planet. Close this place down before we do!” bellowed the god. With that the god vanished.
“All right man! But wait man! You got to try these fried chickens! YO man Take these offerings! DUDE COME BACK!” yelled the bum. But it was no use he didn’t come back down. “Fine DUDE be that way I’ll show u too man! I’ll show all of u.”
He decided to go back to chopstick town since there was nothing else he could do. But decided to come to Canada first since it was so hype and multicultural. Besides, it was closer. He had a choice to go on a boat called “Unsinkable” or a boat called, “I’m to old for this.” Well, he had no more trust for people who were overconfident, so he took the shabby boat. He set his chickens free. As he walked on board the old thing, the floors started to creek.
There was a sign covered in dust that said, “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, OF ENGEN FAILURE OR ANYTHING ELSE. PRAY TO GOD THAT YOU’RE NEAR LAND! OR PRAY THAT THERES ANOTHER BOAT CLOSE BY, THERES A CHAPLE DOWNSTAIRS.” He thought that was kind of amusing. As they sailed across the sea, they reached a place called Burmita. They travelled around in like a triangle form, and on the ship all they served was beans.
So you no what happened next. The chickens started to release gas. So much gas that it turned deadly, it could dissolve any type of matter in seconds. They left a small trademark there. Anything that would enter that area enclosed within the triangle would never be seen again. The gasses in there were so deadly. It was like nuclear waste.
When they arrived at Canada, the captain had ate one of his chickens and asked if he could buy some of his chickens to eat. This gave the bum an idea. He opened a small business called K.F.C, short for Cooked Fried Chickens. He made a fortune! He was rich! He had money coming out of every hole of his body. His business expanded to many places on the earth. Now his family sees him on T.V and comes begging him for money, now the rich bum had achieved his dream, he laughed in their face and made them dance around in their underwear for dimes. He was a very happy man. Even the gods in the sky came for offerings but he rejected them to like they rejected him before. The chickens who help him achieve this goal are what we just had for lunch. But soon the bum died and someone else took his job, and renamed it Kentucky fried chickens, and made a fortune.
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